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As I sat listening to a presentation the other day, something the presenter said left me thinking for a long while afterwards. When we experience a common problem, he challenged us not to join the complainers and complain, but rather focus on finding a solution to the challenge.
It got me thinking about how easy it is to jump on the bandwagon when people are complaining, more so when they are complaining about something we are also going through. What takes it to another level is when we begin to find comfort in the complaining, and that is where we must be extra careful when we are trying to recover from a set back.
I once had an acquaintance who bonded with me when I was going through my divorce. She was experiencing challenges in her marriage, so we would cry together, console each other, and complain together! Complaining slowly became our bonding point, and with time that is what we spent most of our time together doing.
Along the way I sought professional help and learned that complaining was preventing me from healing and finding solutions to challenges I was facing at the time. I also learned that I had a choice: I could remain a victim or I could face my challenges head on and focus on finding solutions.
My acquaintance on the other hand, kept on complaining. As time went on our conversations became emotionally draining because complaining was no longer attractive to me, it was either a distraction or fuel for me to change something in my life.
Years later, she is still experiencing the same marital challenges and still complaining. I have moved on and made significant progress in my recovery from divorce. Had I not made the decision to do something different, I too would have been stuck in a cycle of complaining, victimhood and inaction.
Whatever you do, do not jump on the complainers' bandwagon. It is retrogressive, counterproductive, and it will divert precious energy away from your recovery and healing.
Remember:
'If you don't like something change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain'- Maya Angelou.
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