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You have a tight deadline and if the project is not completed on time there will be cost implications. Everybody has to do their assignments accurately and finish on time.
You should be excited but you’re already feeling nervous because of 'the difficult ones’ - those team members who are just plain difficult! They resist, object, complain, and complicate their way through assignments!
Should you remove them from this project? Give them the easy assignments instead? Or just negotiate for an extension of the deadline?
Don’t fret! Here are two steps you can take to deal with ‘the difficult ones’ and meet your deadlines without continuously stressing.
STEP 1: CHANGE THE LABEL
Referring to uncooperative team members as 'the difficult ones’ becomes self-defeating for you as a team leader because you end up approaching them with apprehension and in full combat mode, ready to face them at the drop of a hat! This kind of approach will drain you and stress you out.
Changing the label empowers you to change your approach. Ultimately you want to get to the bottom of their behaviour – the apathy, defiance, resistance – so you can address it. To do this you need to understand what’s going on. Try changing the label to 'the one-on-ones’. This will encourage you to always engage them on a one-on-one basis first.
How do you engage them? That is where step two comes in.
STEP 2: HAVE ONE-ON-ONE CONVERSATIONS WITH ONLY 2 AGENDA ITEMS
Engage each of the team members involved in scheduled one-on-one conversations with the sole purpose of understanding what is really going on and finding an actionable solution, using these 2 agenda items:
Seek to understand what is causing the undesirable behaviour
Facilitate a solution
Seek to understand what is causing the undesirable behaviour - share your observations and ask for their take on it, e.g. ‘I’ve noticed that you missed all the project planning meetings and I’m not seeing your input in the weekly briefs. What's your take on my observation?’' Continue with follow up questions such as ‘tell me more’ or ‘what else?’
Tip: ask more ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions and fewer ‘why’ questions to help you get responses rather than reactions. ‘Why’ questions will most likely put them in defence mode so you'll get excuses and reasons that justify their actions, rather than the thoughts and emotions that drove their behaviour. You can frame your questions like this:
‘What were you thinking/how were you feeling at the time you chose not to participate in….?’ instead of ‘Why didn’t you participate in…?’
‘What can you do to participate in a way that will benefit the team?’ instead of ‘Why can’t you participate in a way that’s beneficial to the team?’
Facilitate a solution - get the conversation moving forward by using what I refer to as the ‘NEXT’ exercise, which Bob Proctor (in his book 'You Were Born Rich) cites to illustrate the need to focus on forward movement as opposed to looking and thinking in reverse.
This is how it works. Ask the team member to list ways in which they can add value to the project or assignment at hand. This exercise must be completed during your conversation and whenever they come up with a reason why they cannot do this, you gently say ‘NEXT' until they come up with an idea. When they come up with a list of ideas, you can then agree on the following:
The order in which they’ll implement each idea.
A timeline for the implementation.
A team member they nominate who will act as their accountability partner and with whom they'll attend weekly briefings with you.
You’ll send them a follow up e-mail listing the ideas, order, agreed timeline and name of accountability partner.
Taking a proactive approach will help you take control of the impact that bad behaviour has on teamwork and team outcomes, and encouraging the team member to find their own solutions creates a sense of ownership of the outcome. Having an accountability partner will encourage them to be responsible and accountable for their behaviour during the process.
Remember that you cannot change your team members’ behaviour but you can change your attitude towards it - from combative to collaborative!
“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude” – Maya Angelou.
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