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Why do things have to change?
Why me?
Why now?
Have you ever asked yourself these types of questions when faced with a sudden, unforeseen or impending change? I know I have. It's a natural response to the second stage of change management.
According to the Kübler-Ross Change Curve the first stage of change management is shock - we are taken aback, thrown off, sometimes even slapped in the face! Then comes denial, frustration, bargaining, depression, experiment, decision and integration - summarised as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (DABDA).
The trouble with continuing to ask ourselves questions about something that has already been set in motion is that the answers do not fuel forward movement, they help us dig ourselves deeper into a pit of denial instead.
Managing change is a deeply personal process. It requires us to alter our perspective of the current situation in order to accept the change and take action that serves our growth. Whether it is going through a divorce or using a new system at work the process remains personal.
So how do we get to the stage of acceptance without getting stuck in denial or bargaining (where we resist and delay the inevitable)? By acknowledging that we are not in control of the situation but we are in control of how we handle it, then taking the following steps:
STEP 1 - Every morning, look into a mirror and say to yourself "I am in transit".
Gradually increase the frequency to as many times a day as you need to. Saying this out loud or even whispering it to yourself will help you spend less time denying (and resisting) the change and redirect your thoughts to the present moment. A good follow up question to ask yourself is "What small thing can I do right now to embrace this change?", then see what comes up for you and act on it.
STEP 2 - Whenever you find yourself asking why, feeling sorry for yourself or denying reality STOP everything that you are doing.
Find two sealable bags, containers or envelopes that you can carry around with you. Label one 'denial' and the other 'freedom'. When self-pity, denial or retrogressive questions come up grab a piece of paper and cut or tear it into several pieces. Then write down the thoughts and emotions you are experiencing in that moment on individual pieces of paper. Scrunch up the pieces of paper with thoughts and emotions keeping you in denial, put them in their container and seal it. Put the pieces of paper with thoughts and emotions that will help you move towards acceptance in the 'freedom' container (without scrunching them up) and seal it.
At the end of that day, empty the 'denial' container. Thank the thoughts and emotions for showing up, then say goodbye because you are in transit now. Immediately throw away or burn the scrunched up pieces of paper. Open the 'freedom' container and read through your thoughts and emotions, thank them too and pick one to act on the following day(s).
STEP 3 - Trust: yourself, the process of change itself, and God (or the Universe).
YOU - Think of all the times you successfully handled change in the past, trust yourself to use the things you can control - your free will and freedom of choice - to help you navigate your way through this change too.
THE PROCESS - Remind yourself that the change is in motion and trust that the process is necessary for your growth, will come to pass, and will increase your wisdom.
GOD - Trust that God has got your back and is working everything out for your good. Do your best and surrender everything that is beyond your control to God to take care of.
Once you get comfortable applying these steps you can confidently support your team members to transition through change too. Stay focused on these three things:
1. Keep lines of communication open.
2. Communicate openly and avoid withholding appropriate information about the process.
3. Keep conversations focused on the present and on actions your team can take to successfully implement the change.
Oh, and when you get stuck use my 3-K super tips:
Keep it simple - what is the core issue? Deal with it.
Keep it real - Don't pretend, acknowledge what you're feeling and process your emotions.
Keep it moving - return to the present moment. Ask yourself, 'What can I do right now to embrace this change?'
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